Monday, March 17, 2008

To Cruise or Not to Cruise

So this weekend was a much needed break from the hustle and bustle of this last month. I was looking forward to doing nothing but relaxing with Joel. Even though my body was laying on the couch, my mind has been busy trying to make one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make. Do I go on a free cruise to Mexico or do I stay in town for our one year anniversary?

Pros of Going to Mexico - How often do you a get a chance to take a ten day cruise to Mexico completely free (minus spending money)? NEVER! All I have do is come up with spending money. No problem there. I would be snorkeling in the beautiful pacific, swimming with dolphins, laying in the sun every day, and drinking margaritas until I am silly. I have been needing a break and the chance to reconnect with my friend would be wonderful. Not to mention the wonderful chance of actually tanning this summer. I already have asked for the time off work, and it won't interfere with my trip to North Carolina.


Cons of Going to Mexico - I feel as though I would be picking a friend over the true love of my life. I feel that Joel is the one I was meant to meet and fall in love with. I know that we will be together for a long time, but I don't want to fail at my first hard choice. What kind of message does it send to Joel if I abandon him on our first year anniversary together? Would he loose faith in me? Even just the tiniest bit? Is this worth a tan?

Even though Joel has said that he doesn't mind if I go, since this is a rare opportunity, but I feel he would prefer I stay in town. My mind flops back and forth, and with the pressure of the deadline, it all brings me to tears. Which is frightful all on its own. I feel that torn. Our anniversary falls on a Tuesday, so we wouldn't be together anyways on the actual day of our one year, since we can only see each other on the weekend (darn long distance relationships) so if this is the case, so I just go on the cruise since we wouldn't be together anyways. But if I can get the time off for a cruise, I could get the time off for Joel. But he can't get the time off, no vacation with contracts. I feel like no matter the decision, I will be letting someone down. So I feel like the real decision is to pick who to let down.

I don't want to make this decision, but I feel if I can't make this decision now, will I be able to make it in the future? If I make Joel a serious part of my future, there will be times when I will have to make hard decisions and will I be able to make the right ones. Decisions that honor our relationships and commitments to each other? Is it too early to be worrying about these things when we have only been together for one year. One year isn't that long in the big picture. But it means a lot to me, that Joel and I have made it this far, without any complications or hang ups. It has been the absolute best relationship I have ever had. No arguments, no hurt feelings, no lies, no deceit, nothing at all. and I don't want to be the one that starts.

What to do?

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