Thursday, June 5, 2008

Left Behind

I was laying in bed last night trying to fall asleep when I realised a very embarrassing fact. I have very few friends left in Bellingham. Really. The only reason my cell phone rings during the week is from Joel or from my parents (which is usually the result of something work related). There are people I could call. There is Nichole, living in Lynden with her two boys (but she is usually busy with her boys), there is Angela (but she is busy between school and her husband), there is Beach (but we usually see each other on girls night), and that is about it really.

How sad am I? I started to wonder if this was the result of making up my mind to move to Redmond next spring. Did I cut my ties with Bellingham too early? I thought I was an outgoing person, but am I really just an introvert who would prefer to be home alone? I am tired at the end of a day of work, and just really want to lay on the couch and then go to bed. But come on, I am 23, and don't want the life of a fifty year old. I feel so boring. When did I become such a homebody? Is that I just don't want to hang out, or is it that no one wants to hang out with me?

I do save money as I am not eating out, don't really go to the bars anymore (unless someone is in town), hardly go shopping, no coffee get-together, no fun. But I spend the money somewhere else since I don't really have much savings. So what is the deal? I am a nice, easy going, friendly 23 year old and I don't have any friends. Jack and Katie don't count I have decided.

Oh well. I guess I am not motivated enough to get out there and make some friends. I will be leaving next spring. I hate goodbyes. I hate the false promises of coming back to visit. I hate to leave people. I am excited to move. I feel like I will be catching up to people who have already started their new lives. I feel so behind. Maybe that is why I don't have friends in Bellingham, I don't want to make anyone else feel left behind. It sucks.

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