Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Frustrated and Disappointed

I received some very frustrating and disappointing news this morning. How do you separate your own feelings, perceptions, and judgements from another person's dilemma? How do you do this when you have been drawn in, and involved in the situation? How do you not feel disappointed when something happens to reverse it all? How do you sit back and let it go, let the person make their own decisions, even though you don't agree?

It is very easy to say, you just have to let people fall, you have to continue to support them, guide them, and pray that you are wrong; pray that the person will be happy, and in the end all will be well. But actually doing these things, truly feeling okay and releasing the negative feelings are very difficult to actually put in motion. It is hard for me to give credit for admirable goals, to positive dreams, and to making the tough decisions in this situation. It is hard for me to stay quiet on the side lines, to be supportive, to be kind. I want to believe, I want to be supportive, I want to be kind. What is the right decision to make? It is better to stuff my opinions, views, and perceptions down; to stifle them in favor of being supportive of this person? Is it really that helpful for the person in question? Would it actually be a bigger benefit for this person to hear how I truly feel? No one enjoys lip service, and I don't enjoy giving it. At what point it is not worth it to speak my piece? At the lost of the friendship, at the risk of hurt feelings...

Life can be so tough. I have read quotes and quips at the bottom of emails or other various places, saying it is moments like this that make people strong, that define life, and give us the courage to move on. But really, it is moments like this that make the rainy weather seem fitting, that make working out sound like a good idea, that make me want to get into bed and sleep on it. I definitely don't feel encouraged my predicament, rather I feel discouraged that things won't change, feelings and opinions will remain stifled, and the past will repeat. It all always does.

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry to hear you are struggling! My 2 cents: if this friendship is more than a casual social aquaintence, then you should be able to express your concern in a non-threatening way and hopefully get some feedback that helps you understand the situation more. Trust me, I've been doing a lot of this lately!