Day 3: Things that make you uncomfortable.
I really, really, really don't like the pigeons in downtown Seattle. I much prefer to call these creatures by their scientific name, which is sky rats. They are just so dirty. I am convinced they are so filled with disease that one little peck and I'm dead. Their best tactic for killing innocent people is being unpredictable. I can never predict what they are going to do. They might fly away, waddle away, or just fly right at my face and peck out my eyes; I just don't know! Even worse, is when they are in a crowd. When they all flap their wings and fly around in a panic, I loose all self-control and just run. The situation is completely out of control and we are all going to die on the sidewalks of downtown. My daily walk to the bus is a terror filled five minutes, as I am sure you can image.
Feeling Out of Place.
I really hate feeling like the odd man out. Situations where I feel like I have completely missed the mark and everyone can see it, makes me just want to fold myself up and hide in a small place. When I wear a dress someplace and everyone else is in pants. When I feel like the only tall person in a room full of short people. When I am the only person who is eating, while everyone else is full. When I feel like I don't have anything in common with the people around me. When I am afraid of not having anything in common with the people around me. These feelings just get so overwhelming sometimes that I can't get past them.
I don't really like to confront people when I feel they have done something that upsets me. I tend to just try to let the moment past, but unfortunately it just means I simmer for a while before I erupt. I tend to keep score of how many times someone has done something that upsets me and hold in my anger until it is too late. I know this is unhealthy, both for me and for the relationship, but I have always been this way. I am trying to change this. I prefer for my friends and family to call me out on my wrongs in the moment so I can change my behavior, but it is difficult for me to do the same.